Recovery

Recovery is one small word but the process of recovery is anything but small and easy.

My stay at Weill Cornell was definitely shorter than I anticipated but it was the beginning of my recovery. After my surgery, post-op, many tests & procedures, a blood transfusion, many pills, many different pains & aches, a first walk, fevers and if you can imagine I was ready to get the hell home.

The car ride home was uncomfortable and long but when I saw my house I was super happy to be home. I came in, saw my recliner and realized this recovery was going to be way more complicated than just sitting on my recliner. Nothing can really prepare you for what is to come after open-heart surgery but all I can say is, I am so glad it is behind me.

My first week home was one of the longest weeks of my life. It was painful, uncomfortable, hard to sleep, hard to eat and a million other things. Unfortunately I had no appetite, was nauseous, had tons of back pain (back pain is truly the worst after this surgery, way worse than the chest pain if you can imagine) and I was running some high fevers. I'll never forget one of the nights during my first week I couldnt sleep (I had trouble sleeping for over a month after surgery) I just watched the windows at night and waited for the sun to rise because I could not sleep.

The worst part of the beginning of the recovery was getting comfortable. I am not much of an emotional person, but I cried a lot during the first month. Not being able to get up on your own, shower yourself, take yourself to the bathroom, having trouble walking & breathing and of course the fever & nausea. I do not sugar coat things and I will honestly tell you up until 5 or 6 weeks after surgery were truly the worst and scariest of my life. You are so scared to move or do anything because your body is all out of whack and trust me it takes a lot of time to get back to normal.

The surgeons office did tell me one day you will wake up and feel better and I have to say it does happen like that. Around 6 weeks post-op I was able to shower, get around more, walk more & do more on my own and it felt great but also was scary. I had gotten some advice from an amazing woman who works for the Marfan Foundation, who has been through this surgery as well, she was there to tell me how much it sucks & to tell me what I was feeling was normal & she told me that as much physical and medical things are going on there is A LOT of mental and emotional things you go through pre-op & post-op and she was 100000% correct. Also when in doubt ASK YOUR DOCTOR. If something doesnt feel write, just ask. Especially after a surgery like this when something didnt feel right it was always something and it was something that needed taken care of. Like an trip to the ER (which lasted 4 FREAKING HOURS), stitches opening up, holes appearing on my scar, learning to clean a wound, etc. When in doubt JUST ASK.

I am now 10 weeks post-op exactly and my physical body is finally catching up to where I used to be, not 100% but I am getting close, but my mental & emotional state is not quite at that level yet. It is such a hard thing to wrap your head around and when it comes up last minute like it did for me, my emotions came more during the post-op period than anything. Being scared of how your body is healing, how you are going to feel day by day, what pain you will be in one day and not the next, your un-easy sleeping patterns, your stamina level differences & being scared of what can happen. I am truly grateful for the care I got at Cornell, from my cardiologist Dr. Roman to my surgeon Dr. Girardi and his amazing Nurse Practioners and staff. Having a great medical staff, family, friends & foundation behind me was spectacular, but the emotional roller coaster is far from over.

Everyday is different. Some days are easy and some days arent. I have spent some days up and about and running errands and back to normal and other days I sleep all day and all night and other days I sit on the couch and cry. I am so lucky that I was able to get back to where I am in such a short period of time but I know my recovery process is not over and I have a lot more work to do.

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